So what is Life Coaching all about?

Everyone loves a definition!

So let’s start with one!

"Coaching is an on-going partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life. Beginning with the clients’ desires, coaching uses reporting, exploring, and a consistent commitment to move the client forward. Coaching accelerates the clients’ progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow." - International Coach Federation, ICF

Life Coaching is all about helping people get from where they are in their life to where they want to get to.

If everyone is being honest with themselves, I think we could all do with improving an area or two of our lives.

But why don’t people do anything about it?

Everyone knows what to do in life to become more successful but they don’t do what they know.

It is a Life Coach’s job to help people get what they want in life in by breaking down the barriers that people impose on themselves.

The best analogy you can ever use is that of a Personal Fitness Trainer.

When you go to a gym they will first ask you what your goals are:

Lose weight?

Lose fat?

Build muscle?

Build endurance?

Increase stamina?

Etc

They will then see where you are at with regards to your goal.

So for example, if you want to lose body fat they may ask you to take a body fat composition test that will measure your current levels of body fat, you may be asked to take a fitness test, asked what your current eating habits are etc

After establishing exactly how much you want to lose and over what period of time you want to lose it the trainer will then devise a plan of action of what you must do in order to achieve your fat reduction goals.

Along the way your personal fitness trainer will encourage and motivate you, ask you questions about your motivations and any barriers that you face and will help you.

The end goal of a trainer is to help you achieve your goals a lot quicker and more effectively than if you did it yourself.

A Life Coach does EXACTLY the same as a Personal Trainer but with areas of your life.

This could include:

·Confidence and self esteem

-Feel good about yourself

-Remove the self doubt

-Meet new people and feel confident

-Speak in front of groups

·Career

-Know what career is for you

-Get a better job

-Do your job better

-Get a promotion

-Start your own business and go it alone

·Relationships

-Develop listening skills

-Work through problems with your partner

-How to get through tough times

-Build stronger bonds

·Communication skills

-How to communicate with anyone

-How to make small talk with strangers

-How to get your point across effectively

·Losing weight/health

-Improve your health

-Reduce stress

-Sticking to a healthy eating plan

-Sticking to an exercise plan

·Dreams and achievements

-Set some compelling goals

-Work out what you want from life

-Provide direction and purpose

-Have more fun

-Have more energy

·Money/Finance

-Earn more money

-Save more money

-Work out and stick to budgets more effectively

·Getting what you want in life

-Becoming more organised

-Getting rid of barriers and negative thinking

-Manage your time more effectively

-Discover your values in life

-Remove the clutter that bogs you down

-How to stay focussed

The role of a life coach

Rather than actually TELLING someone the answers, a Life Coach is the catalyst for getting a client to find the answers themselves.

By asking challenging and thought provoking questions, a Life Coach can unlock the potential in a client.

Coaching is forward looking and focused on the action you are willing to take to get what you want out of life.

Sometimes you just can’t see the wood for the trees!

You so are wrapped up in everyday life that indeed life just passes you by!

Well, coaching enables you to see different alternatives and to take a step back and actually examine your life and all of it’s component parts.

This in turn leads to greater:

·Self-awareness

·Focus

·Accountability

A Coach Is . . .

• Your own personal trainer to enable you to achieve your goals


• Your champion during a turnaround.


• Your trainer in communication and life skills.


• Your sounding board when making choices.


• Your motivation when strong actions are called for.


• Your unconditional support when you take a hit.


• Your mentor in personal development.


• Your co-designer when creating an extraordinary project.


• Your beacon during stormy times.


• Your wake-up call if you don’t hear your own.


• And most importantly, the professional coach is your partner in helping you have all of what matters most to you.

How does coaching work?

You now know what coaching actually is, so how does it work?

Well, coaching can be conducted through a number of mediums – here are the most popular:

-121 sessions in person

-121 sessions on the telephone

-121 sessions using email

-Group coaching sessions in person

-Group coaching through the telephone (teleclass)

No matter what method is used the approach is the same.

During each coaching session the coach and the client will discuss and explore the clients’ journey including their goals, wins, challenges, and opportunities, as well as develop fieldwork for the coming week.

Fieldwork isn’t like the homework you were assigned in school.

It consists of action steps to move you closer toward your goals and dreams.

The client brings the agenda and the coach brings the coaching skills to create a partnership that moves the client forward.

The client calls the coach at their scheduled time each week.

One-on-One Coaching:

The structure of coaching in the main is flexible.

You can design a coaching arrangement with the client that meets their individual needs and schedule. The basic design consists of:

·30 minute complementary “is this for you” session?

• An initial one-hour session to create a coaching strategy (in-person or by phone)


• Initial assessment to evaluate work and life needs and establish goals.


• Regular on-going coaching sessions (typically by phone/email)


• Exercises to increase self-awareness, encourage creative thinking, and develop practical skills.


• Full confidentiality


• Quartlery evaluation and review, along with strategies for ongoing support.

Coaching sessions are usually scheduled weekly, lasting from a half-hour to an hour.

Together, you will define the length and frequency that best supports the client. Sessions may be focused on one specific goal or challenge that the client is facing, or on a much broader set of personal or professional issues.

Group Coaching / Team Coaching:

Any one-on-one coaching program can be tailored to a group or team coaching program. This is the most cost-effective model for providing coaching throughout an organisation.

Get a life coach while having your own business

Your confidence diary

A great way to boost your confidence is to keep a confidence diary.

It is a smart tool to just remind yourself just how good you really are and what you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

Either buy yourself a notebook or a day to view diary and once a week for the next month I’d like you to jot down your answers to the following confidence questions.

Don’t give me any excuses about you haven’t got the time to do it!

Take just 10 minutes per week, sit down and jot down your thoughts to:

1.What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?

2.What am I happy about in my life right now?

3.Why am I happy about these things?

4.What did I accomplish last week?

5.What am I excited about in my life right now?

6.Who do I love and appreciate in my life? Who do I like hanging around? Why?

7.Who loves and appreciates me for what I am? Warts ‘n all!

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means answer them again whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going for yourself in your life right now.

Then join me for business at www.grodom.com

You are great!

One of the most well known confidence building exercises is to list your own strengths and natural abilities.

By looking at the list it can make you say “Wow, I really am good!”

Another great way of building your confidence and getting in touch with how great you really are is to ask friends, colleagues and people who you know for feedback on your strengths and natural abilities.

Your practical assignment is to list 5 people who you know and trust for this exercise.

Make sure they are from different areas of your life.

List them below:

1.A FAMILY MEMBER

2.A FRIEND

3.A WORK COLLEAGUE

4.AN ASSOCIATE

5.A SOCIAL CONTACT

You might at this stage be feeling a little nervous about asking these people for feedback.

Don’t worry, because you will be only asking for your strengths.

JUST GO FOR IT!

So, how do you go about it?

Well, below is a list of questions that I’d like you to ask to each of your list.

I recommend that you meet or talk on the phone with each beforehand and explain the context of the exercise and then either ask them verbally or give them the questions and either fill in the sheet of paper or email you with their feedback.

They will feel honoured that you have asked them and the feedback that you will receive will truly make you feel fabulous and full of confidence.

Rightly or wrongly, we live in a society where other peoples’ opinions count to our self esteem and confidence.

By completing this exercise you will get some really good insight into some of your strengths.

Often you receive valuable information on the strengths that you didn’t even know you had!

EXTERNAL FEEDBACK QUESTIONS

·What do you perceive to be my greatest strengths?

·What do you like most about me?

·What do you value most about me?

·What three words sum up the positive points about me?

·If you needed help with something, what would you call me to help you with?

After you have received all of the feedback it is now time to reflect on what has been written or said:

How do you feel about it?

Are there any surprises?

Do you feel confident about your abilities?

How can you use this information going forward?

How can you maximise your strengths?

If these people think you have these strengths, so do a lot of other people as well – how does that make you feel?

What are the key insights you have learned?

What will you do now that is different to what you have done before?

Join me in business at www.grodom.com

Confidence Secret Agent 007!

Are you ready to have some fun?

Are you ready to go beyond enemy lines in the duty for queen and country?

Ok, ok I know I’m getting carried away – how about completing another confidence building exercise instead?!

Success leaves clues wherever it goes…

Success leaves clues wherever it goes. In order to get the desired confidence levels that you are after it pays to be a copycat!

Another word for this is modelling.

By observing and modelling successful behaviour, i.e in this case people with high levels of confidence, you can pick up little golden nuggets of tips, techniques and the strategies that they use.

By observing how they walk, talk and act you too can take what they do, put it into your own life and get the same results.

Don’t believe me?

Try this exercise out over the next couple of days and see how you feel!

Your mission…

Over the next 3 days I want you to observe other people – pretend that you are undercover!

However, no newspapers with two eye-holes cut out are allowed!

I want you to observe all types of people - confident people, shy people, outgoing people, people talking, people being quiet, how people interact with each other.

Observe people who know one another, people who are strangers – the whole nine yards!

Look closely at what they say and do.

How are they moving their body?

What do they do with their head?

How do they speak?

How do others react to them?

Would you like to talk to this person?

Are they smiling and laughing?

Would you like to be this person?

Below, write down 5 behaviours and things that you have observed over the past 3 days that make you say :

“I want to be like that!”

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

For your next mission, should you choose to accept it…

For the next 2 days, I want you to take just 1 of the 5 behaviours that you have written out above and I want you to act that way for the duration of those 2 days.

Pretend that you have been given an assignment (because you have!) to just act like that for 2 days.

That’s it, no longer, no less.

Pretend it’s a game.

After the 2 days you will soon discover the magic of modelling behaviours.

Then you’ll move onto the next behaviour and the next and the…

Putt this to work with our online internet and home based business

Refocusing after setbacks

How many times have you started a diet, a new way of thinking, or tried something new and then a setback occurs and you just go back to the way you were?

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life.

There are two ways of facing difficulties.

You either change or alter the difficulty or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and it will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and they can do some serious damage to your self worth.

Your response to issues and difficulties

When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.

There is an unwritten rule that says:

Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!

So, if after setback you ask yourself something like

“Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?”

Your mind will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback for next time?”

Your mind will kick into solution mode and help.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

·Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?

·What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?

What is good about this situation?

How can I make the most of this situation?

What can I learn from it?

What are the facts about this problem?

How can we make it a successful outcome?

·Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out.

·View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem

Think about the negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think on a regular basis after a setback.

What new empowering questions could you ask yourself to give some better answers!

Write these down now and make them a habit.

Join me at www.grodom.com

Improve your body language,

improve your confidence!

The way that you move your body and walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.

I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people.

You know, how you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your head and how you are moving your body.

The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinder the way that the feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically lower.

And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?

Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively.

You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside.

Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

Well, walk fast and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get their you mean business!

Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION!

The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!

All it takes is a smile!

Think for a moment about your confidence role model.

One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts.

It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

What I would like you to do is to start smiling more often.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time.

But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself.

You will be surprised at how better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others - one that will attract opportunities and people.

Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not.

Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others.

The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed.

Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

VERBAL

·7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

VOCAL

·38% is picked up from our voice - speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

VISUAL

·55% is what the other person sees - our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

I could write a whole book on body language, and I may do just that, but here are some quick fixes and recommendations that you should start to put into practice:

·Dress to win – Look at your appearance and ask yourself:

·Do I feel confident?

·Do I look confident?

·What could I do with my appearance to give me the edge?

·Handshakes – Never give a limp wrist handshake, make sure it is firm but not too hard

·Smile a lot more than you have been doing – even if you are a comedian!

·Walk tall with your head and shoulders back. Walk at a brisk pace

·When you talk to people look them straight in the eye

·Keep on moving – Motion creates what?

·If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. Even if it has to be false – YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

·First impressions count – so when you are going to meet people for the first time, think what first impression you ant to give them. A smiling face? A good remark? Etc

·Take more notice of others body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

“I’m ACE!” – The 7 day challenge

Here is a short confidence building exercise for you.

If you are up for the challenge that is!

At the end of each night for 7 days I want you to write down 5 things that happened throughout the day that proved that you are ACE!

Now if this doesn’t come naturally to you, you’re going to have to go out and make things happen.

Don’t ignore the little things as well.

You include such things as complimenting someone, a good piece of work you did, the 30 minutes you spent with the kids when you would normally be watching TV – write down 5 things where you have added value to something or someone each day for 7 days.

GO FOR IT!

The 7 Day Challenge Template

Write out each “ACE STATEMENT” in the following format:

Number 1 was when I…

It meant that…

Afterwards I felt…

After the 7 days are up, look back over your list your will be truly amazed at how ACE you are!

Remind yourself of this exercise every time you feel that you are not good enough, because you are ACE at www.grodom.com!

De-clutter your life and improve your confidence

A lot of people carry around with them a lot of “baggage” or “clutter” in their minds.

When I say this I mean that they are still holding onto things that they say they should do but don’t, the person who they had a row with but both are not speaking to each other – but both want to, the coulds and shoulds in your life that hold you back – you need to let go, but you don’t.

These people carry around with them a lot of emotional attention that you could be doing without and focussing on something more productive instead!

Are you like this?

If you are, I bet it had a negative influence on your confidence and self esteem.

The approach

Take a look at your life and get rid of this baggage by asking yourself a series of questions and by completing the following exercise.

In effect, what we are doing is making certain tasks “complete”, drawing a line under them and moving on.

Another term for this is “psychological completion” or just “completion”

The following set of questions can be taken at one sitting or over a number of hours/days.

By writing the answers down they become more formal.

Get to it and watch your confidence soar!

1.Putting up with!

·Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at home

·Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at work

·Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with in any other area of your life

·Make an action plan to get rid of/communicate these things that you have been putting up with

2.Unfinished matters!

·Make a list of things that are unresolved/unfinished in your life

·Make an action plan of how to reduce this number!

·Do you need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!

·Did you ever say that you were going to call someone or keep in touch with someone yet have done nothing about it? If yes, call them or send an email to them today

·Let go of as many coulds, woulds, shoulds, maybe, oughts as you can. Write these down.

3.Your standards!

·Write down the standards that you have been saying to yourself that you should have; let go of these and write down a list of the standards that you are going to have in your life from this day forward.

·List 5 people who you admire the most. Identify their greatest qualities, behaviour and how they lead their life. What standards so they have? What standards could you raise starting today to be more like them?

·Respect that other’s standards will be different from your own. Think of 5 close colleagues or friends – what are their standards and how are they different to yours?

By completing these exercises you will be able to focus more on the here the now and the future.

You will now be able to let go of some of the things that have been taking up your valuable attention units – those things that knock your self esteem.

Join me in business at http://www.grodom.com

xml:namespace prefix = o /How to build confident work teams

There are many pathways to building confident work teams.

Whether you are working with a new team, or an established already well-functioning team, the guidelines included in this article can support you in building an even stronger, focused, more cohesive team.

Building confident, cohesive, well-functioning teams is an ongoing focus for managers.

Although often managers “inherit” the teams with which they work, rather than start them from scratch, the same rules apply:

Know that teams go through various stages

Any change—be it to responsibilities, addition of staff, loss of staff, or new ways of operating—may mean that already established, well-functioning teams sometimes revert to a period, as when first formed, where roles, mission and process need to be revisited and re-clarified.

Action – Define your teams roles and responsibilities early on. Make sure you to take the lead in this.

Have a clear mission

Teams without a clear mission are like boats without a rudder.

The resulting feeling of aimlessness leads to lack of clarity and fuel for productivity.Expectations for individual responsibilities remain unclear if not linked to the bigger picture—or team role.

You may be surprised to find your team may not have a clear understanding of the guiding mission.

Action – Provide direction and purpose to the team. Say what your objectives are and where you want the team to go.

Have clear roles and hire for fit

Ensure your staff understands where how roles connect and may be interdependent.

Explore the handoffs and how current processes help or hinder their success.

Hire additions to staff whose values mirror those of your group (e.g. if teamwork is critical, hire those who flourish in team environments rather than those who prefer to work independently).

Clarify what they bring to the team and how they will contribute.

Establish your team-specific “groundrules”

These are the unwritten norms that guide how work gets done in your team.

Do you have an open door policy?

How are suggestions for improvements to be made?How does communication work amongst team members?

Action – Do this as soon as you can so people know what to expect and what your standards are.

Provide a vehicle for teambuilding

Whether at a fixed period during monthly staff meetings, or at annual retreats, allow some time for your team to bond and reconnect with one another as well as with you.

Listen for their concerns and frustrations, and to the extent possible, empower them to own solutions.

Action – As well as taking this on yourself delegate the “Teambuilding” responsibilities to some people in your time also. Like a “social secretary” for organising team night outs.

Lead your group

Effective teams have a clear leader, with a clear role.

Consistently communicate and play your part on the team.

Proactively address potential concerns and issues, and build a collaborative environment where every member’s strengths and talents are utilized and appreciated.

Action – You don’t need to start this, you should be doing this ALL of the time!

List down all of the things that you can do to make sure that this happens.

These are the pathways to building confident teams like mine, join us at http://www.grodom.com

Confidence is perceiving “Failure” as feedback

and learning from your mistakes

A new look at “failure.”

Learn why you should look forward to it, and how it can help you ultimately get where you want to go.

“There is no such thing as failure”

When you read the quote above, what’s your reaction?

Do you think it’s untrue?Silly glass-half-empty stuff?

What if I told you that only you have the power to decide whether or not something is indeed, a “failure?”

In fact, there are some individuals—highly successful people—who believe the very word “failure” has no place in our vocabulary.

Let’s talk about why.

Opposite Day

As a kid, you probably played that game “opposite day.”

You’d play practical jokes on your family and friends and release some passive aggression in the process of claiming “opposite day.”

It was great—you could call the cutest girl in the class “ugly,” and then take it all back by simply exclaiming “opposite day!”

But, the end result is the same; you still would have acknowledged her cuteness.

Well, let’s play the game.

What if today, failure really means success?

How can you acknowledge your success, even as you utter the word “failure”?Well, you can point out:

1. everything that was learned in the process of getting to where you are now—surely not everything goes to the scrap heap

2. that simply being able to recognize everything hadn’t gone according to plan, or achieved the desired outcome (i.e. “failed”), is in itself a positive outcome

3. that the specific path you took this go round, clearly wasn’t the right one and so it has successfully been eliminated and will not be repeated

4. that you’ll know to do things differently in the future

5. that the experience has enabled you to grow in some way

“Failure” is feedback

“Failure” can simply be a great way to get us to pause in the midst of our process, and get some critical information to indicate that we may need to change direction, try something new, continue our learning, or shift our focus.

Imagine what would happen if we didn’t get that feedback, and continued endlessly along the wrong path, toward the wrong goal, or without ever learning a new approach?

The thought is pretty scary, isn’t it.

Failure then, can really be seen as positive feedback—information that gets us back on the right track!

For, without it, we would surely be lost.

The key then, is to identify it quickly, and change direction, try something new, or shift our focus.

Here are some tips:

• Always have a clear idea of where you want to go and continue to re-evaluate it as you move forward

• Identify specific milestones or markers along the way, to let you know you’re on the right track and celebrate each success

• If something doesn’t appear to be working, or working fast enough, don’t hesitate to try something new

• Continually learn—from others with whom you work, seek out experts, find others who may have traveled down a similar road before

And always remember:

“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down”

“You NEVER fail until you stop trying”

“If you are not making any mistakes, you’re not really doing anything with your life”

Join me at http://www.grodom.com or http://reiniehelpsu.blogspot.com

Giving confident and powerful presentations

You can deliver confident and powerful presentations!

All it takes is a little preparation, some practice, and a winning mindset.

You’ve been asked to give a presentation.

Congratulations!This is your chance to shine.

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t like presenting very much.

So, read on for some simple tips you can use to conquer your worries.

With these simple tips, you’ll be ready to go in no time, feeling confident, and fully prepared.

First, there are a few things I wanted to point out:

1. Know that you were asked to present, because you can do it—you wouldn’t have been asked otherwise.


2. No one really likes presenting.Some of the best, most well known speakers and actors have confessed to this.So, when you look out at your audience, know that you’re always in good company.


3. What actually comes out of your mouth is only about 10% of what gets communicated.That leaves 90% to non-verbals.That means if your body language, expression and gestures communicate confidence, you will come across as confident.

But just how do you create this confidence?

Here’s the secret: being prepared; practicing; and having identified beforehand, instant solutions for de-stressing.

A favourite motto of mine is “If you think you can, you can.”

So here is how you’re going to get prepared, confidently go in there, and knock their socks off!

Confidence builder #1:Know your content

Identify your key messages—bullet them in order so they tell a clear story.

Jot down cues for your key messages (e.g. on flashcards, paper, etc.).

Have them ready as back up (but remember to refrain from reading them word-for-word while presenting).

Enhance your messages with supporting tools, and interesting visuals—it will be a perk for your audience, and it takes the spotlight off of you.

Be sure to tap into your resources—know a graphic design expert?Ask for their advice.

Confidence builder #2:Practice makes it a “piece of cake”

Practice delivery of your lines.Do this in the mirror.

You might feel funny talking to yourself, but it works.

Watch your body language.

Find your “confident look.”

Standing straight be sure to use smooth hand gestures, and limit unnecessary movement (e.g. rocking back and forth from one foot to the other).

Practice until the words flow like water.

When you’re ready, practice in front of a friend or two.

Ask them each for 3 things you did well and 1 thing you could improve.

Confidence builder #3:Create your “winning scene”

Visualize yourself delivering your presentation.

Then see your audience’s reaction.

What does that “winning scene” look like for you?

Visualize it over and over until you can see it so clearly, you know what colour socks your boss is wearing!

Confidence builder #4:Go for it!

Identify ways to calm your nerves before you even begin: take deep breaths, or find whatever works for you (e.g. picture everyone in funny pajamas).

Squelch any negative thoughts or concerns by envision your “winning scene.”

Think positive.Remember:“If you think you can, you can.”

As you present, keep eye contact with as many people as you can—this also conveys confidence.

If it helps, determine a shape in your mind and make eye contact around the room as though you were creating that shape with your line of vision.

Be sure to keep your pace s…l...o…w.

Many of us tend to speedtalk when presenting, and so, often what might sound slow to us sounds just right to the listener.

And, because you are so well prepared you will make your points confidently, answer questions clearly, and start to look forward to your winning scene!

Join me at http://www.grodom.com or http://reiniehelpsu.blogspot.com

Showmanship is an entertainment value which gives you a little something extra which distinguishes and sets you apart from the rest.

It should attract attention to yourself but without being boastful and without you looking like a complete idiot.

Something that I have done at work conferences in the past are impressions.

I become the centre of attention making impressions of famous people and the executives of the company, everyone gets to know who I am and I make everyone laugh which is a very powerful tool.

I possess a collection of cufflinks which have become a trademark of mine and I am well known as being a snappy dresser.

You needn’t be an entertainer to demonstrate showmanship.

Showmanship can range from wearing particular items of clothing such as waistcoats or earings to having office gadgets such as mobile phones or electronic personal organisers.

Anything to set yourself apart from the crowd.

Showmanship demands ingenuity and a good sense of timing.

Develop it and watch how much easier it is to become more popular and to climb the ladder of success.

In most cases getting yourself favourably noticed is a winning move. And as I mentioned earlier, you must sell yourself to become a success. In essence, you should become your own Public Relations Consultant.

Ten steps to building your confidence and getting that promotion.

Have you been waiting quietly for someone to acknowledge your contributions?

The late nights you’ve put in.

The occasional weekends.

The mega-sale you made last month.Well, stop waiting.Let me show you how to take charge of your career, and get that promotion!

1. Generate a list of your accomplishments over the last year and highlight those of which you are especially proud (e.g. that mega-sale—one of the company’s biggest).


2. Generate a list of your qualities—the ones you feel are especially helpful to the team (e.g. your team spirit).


3. Have a clear idea about where you want to go.What position?What additional responsibilities you want to take on?What salary you’ll command?


4. Learn as much as you can about the expectations of this role and the requirements for the position (e.g. education, experience, responsibilities)


5. Align your credentials with the requirements for the position you seek—prepare a case for yourself.


6. If your credentials are a clear match, go for it!If not, learn more from your boss and/or HR about what you might need to meet the requirements in the near future.


7. When you are ready, send a meeting request to your boss to discuss your role, and follow-up until the date has been set.


8. Be ever the consummate professional—wear appropriate business dress.How do those who currently occupy the position you seek, dress?Emulate them as best you can, of course within the range of your personal style.


9. When you meet with your boss, present your case confidently, speak clearly and help him/her make the same connections you’ve already made.


10. Should your boss not agree the time is right, be sure to inquire about specific skills, knowledge, performance you can demonstrate in the coming months to ensure your growth.Specify a timeframe in which you intend to obtain them, and agree to revisit this discussion once that period expires.

Join me at http://www.grodom.com

“Be courageous.It’s one of the only places left uncrowded”
—Anita Roddick

Learn to say “NO” and mean it!

How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?

This article shares some ideas you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.

The question has just been posed.Pause.

Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no.”

Well, let’s raise the volume on that voice.

What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

§It’s beyond your means?

§It’s beyond your comfort level?

§You have no interest?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.”Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes?Perhaps:

§You would be considered a teamplayer

§It would make your boss happy

§Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved

It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really.

Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request?

Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?

The role of guilt

Saying “no” is hard for many of us.

Guilt often comes into play.

Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.

Saying “NO”

You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, do honestly say “NO”.

Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly...in the mirror.

Look yourself in the eye, and do it.Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you.When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”

If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what?

After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!

They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.

Be prepared for this!Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?

Revisit the questions you asked yourself before—what would happen if you said no, or yes?

If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns.

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further.

If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

Tips on how to say your ”NO!”

1.The “Wet lettuce NO”

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!

Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp.

By saying NO in a non confident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it!

2.The “Mr Angry NO”

This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO.

It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt.

It is not an effective way to communicate your NO.

Here are a couple of examples:

“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you”

“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”

3.The assertive NO

This is the best way to say NO!

In a firm, yet polite voice say:

“No. I will not be able to do that for you”

Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.

“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”

4.Use effective body language

When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications.

Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.

Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.

Stand up tall.

Use a firm tone in your voice.

5.When all is said and done

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”

No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.

It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Saying NO exercise

Practice makes perfect as they say!

What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often.

So whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, “Would you like fries with that” or the shop assistant – practice saying NO to one person for at least the next 7 days.

You will be an expert come the end of the week!

What will happen?

§You will feel much more confident and proud.

§You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.

§Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”

§You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.

§You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.

§The list goes on from there…

Join me at http://www.grodom.com 43 Things Tags: Learn to say "NO" and mean it!, How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?, This article shares some ideas you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do., The question has just been posed. Pause., Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying "no.", Well, let’s raise the volume on that voice., What possible reasons could there be for saying no?, " It’s beyond your means?, " It’s beyond your comfort level?, " You have no interest?, Identify all the reasons you have for saying "no." Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request., What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:, " You would be considered a teamplayer, " It would make your boss happy, " Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved, It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really., Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request?, Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?, The role of guilt, Saying "no" is hard for many of us., Guilt often comes into play., Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says "it’s not nice to say no", we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it., Saying "NO", You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, do honestly say "NO"., Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly...in the mirror., Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say "NO.", Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?, Practice and experiment with different ways to say "NO" until you find one you’re comfortable with., Then go, and say "NO.", After you say "NO", If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what?, After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!, They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request., Be prepared for this! Know your boundary-what ARE you willing to do?, Revisit the questions you asked yourself before-what would happen if you said no, or yes?, If you are serious about saying "NO" then stick to your guns., Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further., If you are comfortable expressing your "reasons why" then do so speaking from your personal perspective., Tips on how to say your "NO!", 1. The "Wet lettuce NO", If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!, Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp., By saying NO in a non confident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it!, 2. The "Mr Angry NO", This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO., It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt., It is not an effective way to communicate your NO., Here are a couple of examples:, "NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you", "NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work", 3. The assertive NO, This is the best way to say NO!, In a firm, yet polite voice say:, "No. I will not be able to do that for you", Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet., "No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time", 4. Use effective body language, When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications., Look the person in the eye when you say the NO., Shake your head at the same time as saying NO., Stand up tall., Use a firm tone in your voice., 5. When all is said and done, Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, "Can I think about that and get back to you", No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts., It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language., Saying NO exercise, Practice makes perfect as they say!, What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often., So whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, "Would you like fries with that" or the shop assistant - practice saying NO to one person for at least the next 7 days., You will be an expert come the end of the week!, What will happen?, " You will feel much more confident and proud., " You will find that practice makes perfect-the more you confidently say "NO" the easier it becomes., " Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say "NO.", " You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place., " You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in., " The list goes on from there…Blogger Labels: Learn to say "NO" and mean it!

How to give “tough messages,” and still xml:namespace prefix = o /

be liked and respected

Providing feedback to staff is always tough, but if it’s “constructive,” you not only get the message across, but, build a more cohesive and capable team as a result.

Do you remember when your parents told you to eat your veggies because they were good for you?

Now that you’re an adult, you know they were right.

Well, just as they were right from the beginning, I’m asking you to trust me when I tell you this:constructive feedback is the only way to learn and develop—both personally and professionally.

That means, you as Manager, have a responsibility to your staff to help them develop.That means, you have to give constructive feedback.

What is constructive feedback?

First, I’ll tell you what it’s not.

Constructive feedback is not criticism (which has a negative connotation because it is so often generalized and personal).

Constructive feedback is a not personal (e.g. you are lazy), but a targeted response to an individual’s action or behavior (e.g. you did not accomplish the task you agreed to complete) that is intended to help them learn, and is delivered from a place of respect.

Constructive feedback is not “closed” but rather invites the individual receiving the feedback to shed light, share their perspective, or provide their response.(e.g. Do you see it differently?)

Constructive feedback does not blame, but presents a collaborative approach to problem-solving.(e.g. If we are all to go home tonight on time, task A needs to get done.What support can the team offer to finish task A, so that everyone gets to go home on time.)

Why constructive feedback works

Constructive feedback enables us to give honest, “tough messages” to those with whom we work.

However, instead of insulting, shutting-down others, or alienating those who receive the feedback, and thus lowering their morale and their resulting productivity, it motivates them to ask for help, and acknowledge a skill or competency deficiency, while feeling supported and respected.

Two of the most important factors influencing employee retention/satisfaction are:“great boss,” and “feeling part of a team” (Hay Group Study on retention).Constructive feedback, because it is delivered out of respect and a genuine desire for the individual to improve, accomplishes both.

Providing feedback, in this way, enables you to build the competency and cohesiveness of your team, while effectively managing performance issues.It also enables you to remain respected, well liked, and overall, considered “ a great boss.”

Principles of feedback

1.Choose correct timing for feedback

Praise is most effective when given as soon as possible after the behaviour has occurred. Immediate feedback will help to reinforce a correct behaviour and make it more likely to happen again.

When an incorrect behaviour is not corrected with feedback, the staff member may incorporate it into his or her customer of colleague interactions unknowingly. It is highly desirable, when possible, to give corrective feedback before the situation occurs again.

2.Ask for self assessment

Beginning by asking the person for self-assessment involves them in the feedback process.

It helps to promote an open atmosphere and dialogue between the person doing the coaching and the person being coached. Often the person is well aware of his or her won strengths and weaknesses.

It is more effective to allow the person to voice opinions before providing your own assessment of performance.

Through self-assessment, the person can gradually assume more responsibility for his or her own abilities and performance.

3.Focus on specifics

When you focus on a specific correct or incorrect behaviour, you remove the feedback from the sphere of personality differences and the other person will be more willing and able to change.

For example, when providing corrective feedback:

Do: “When you were talking to customer xyz, I noticed that you forgot to use her name”

Don’t: “You are not building rapport with the customer”

When providing praise:

Do: “When you spoke to customer xyz, I noticed that you used really good open and closed questioning techniques”

Don’t: “You communicated well there”

4.Limit feedback to a few important points

Good coaches and communicators identify one or two critical areas and help the person address them one at a time.

It is too hard to examine and try to change many aspects of behaviour at one time.

Restrict your feedback to one or two important points so that you do not overwhelm the other person with too many things to consider.

5.Provide more praise than corrective feedback

Positive reinforcement is one of the strongest factors in bringing about change.

Unfortunately a lot of people always focus on the negative.

When you give corrective feedback, remember to point out corrective behaviours first. This is as important as pointing out mistakes and areas that need improvement.

And always end the conversation on a positive.

6.Give praise for expected performance

People deserve to be praised for doing their job to the expected level. Too many people take the expected level for granted however.

Remember that praising anyone who meets established standards is as important as praising the exceptional performer.

Praise is a strong motivator, and enough praise may be what it takes to turn an average employee into an exceptional one.

7.Develop Action Plans

Work together to identify the desired performance or result and how it can be achieved.

Decide when the steps will be accomplished.

Useful techniques to use when giving feedback

Now that we have highlighted the main principles of giving feedback, lets look at some useful techniques we can use in feedback sessions:

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Maintaining Silence

Reflecting Back

Open-ended Questioning

Initiating action & Offering ideas

Active Listening

Being Sensitive

Summarising

Gaining Ownership

Open-ended questioning

Use open-ended questions to allow and encourage the person to give more detail and elaborate.

Use words like:

What?

How?

Who?

Tell me?

Avoid closed questions when you are trying to get more information from someone.

Avoid words like:

Do you?

Did you?

Have you?

Also be careful when you use the word “Why”. The person may think that you are blaming them or being critical if you use it. They may think that you disagree with them if you use this word.

Reflecting Back

This is about putting what the other person has said into your own words and reflecting it back.

This is called paraphrasing and by doing this it shows that you are listening and more importantly that you are listening and understanding!

For example:

Individual – “I always seem to get the rough end of the stick - no-one listens to me at all……..”

You – “You seem concerned that no-one listens to you and that you seem to be getting a dumb deal”

Maintaining Silence

Encourage the person to take their time.

Always give the other person time to think through their reply to a challenging answer.

Do not feel uncomfortable about silences but do be wary that silence can make people feel very uncomfortable.

Maintain eye contact and demonstrate an interest.

Summarising

Summarise the output of the meeting and action plan to ensure that you have heard correctly and understood from his/her perspective.

Restate the key aspects of the feedback discussion

Conclude the discussion and focus on planning for the future.

Example: “The three major issues you raised were……”

“ To summarise then……”

Being Sensitive

Acting sensitive to the needs of the person is important as they may reject the feedback initially.

Give the person space to think in his/her time. This may help the person to absorb the feedback

Initiating Action and Offering Ideas

Example:

“Can you think of an action that would help build on your skills in this area?”

Offer ideas without forcing your personal opinion.

“One thing you might do is….”

“Have you thought about……..”

“Your options include………..”

“What can I do to help?”

Gaining Ownership

Help the person to integrate the feedback into their own experience and view of themselves.

Link the feedback as much as possible to business results and objectives – this will help increase ownership.

Any change in behaviour will only occur through acceptance and ownership of then feedback by that person.

* EXERCISE *

GIVING FEEDBACK

Pick a partner, and choose who is to be A and who is to be B.

A will be providing feedback on B’s performance.

You will both be given role-play sheets of what has been going on and the person you are to play.

After you have completed that, change roles and complete role-play 2.

What worked well?

What could have been done better?

What will you know for next time?

Receiving Feedback

As long as feedback is given in a non-judgmental and appropriate way, it is a valuable piece of information for learning and for our continued development as a person.

Constructive feedback is critical for self-development and growth; here are some points to bare in mind when you receive feedback.

1.Don’t shy away from constructive feedback, welcome it

2.Accept feedback of any sort for what it is – information

3.Evaluate the feedback before responding

4.Make your own choice about what you intend to do with the information

The feedback emotional rollercoaster

Whether you are giving or receiving feedback it is useful to bare in mind the following model when it comes to people who receive feedback.

D A W A

DENIAL

When people first receive feedback, they have a tendency to deny it. Please avoid immediate defensiveness – arguing, denying and justifying. This just gets in the way of your appreciation of the information you are being given.

ANGER

After the denial stage comes anger! So you’ve been told that your work is not as good as what it ought to be. You’ve said, “It’s as good as always” so you are denying it then you become angry as it stews in your mind and body. The immediate reaction is to fume!

WITHDRAWAL

After the anger has calmed down, the person has had time to reflect and ponder on the feedback. “Well, I have been making more mistakes then normal” This is when time is taken out to mull over the feedback and think about what it actually means.

ACCEPTANCE

The final part of this model is finally accepting the feedback, assessing its value and the consequences of ignoring it, or using it. “I HAVE been making mistakes”

Join me at http://www.grodom.com

Feel confident with the boss

Some advice for building a strong relationship with your boss, and taking charge of your career

Managers are interested in employees who will help them accomplish the many goals that are often set for their teams.

Self-starters, initiative takers, independent, results oriented individuals are often in demand.

If your boss had a hand in hiring you then you can be confident that he/she already thinks well of you.

Now that you’re hired, it’s up to you.

Performing well can reinforce the message that the decision to bring you on board, was the right decision.

Following are some tips that will help you build a great relationship with your boss, while building your confidence in your ability to “manage up.”

Put yourself in your boss’ shoes.

From their perspective, what are the stresses, the pressures, the goals, and the demands?

Once you have a clear sense of this, you are then better able to make decisions, tailor your communications, and make contributions that will enable others to perceive you as an MVM—most valuable member of the team!

Also, see your boss as a person

Your boss is just like you—has worked his/her way up to the position they now have.Therefore, they have lots of experience to share with you.

If they are willing, allow them to be your mentor.Ask for feedback regularly, and get their input on your career goals.

Encourage bonding by engaging in occasional banter about family, personal hobbies, etc.Share your information, but inquire about his/her family, hobbies, etc. as well.

Be helpful/Be proactive

Since you have an understanding of what the demands are on your boss, try your best to contribute to them.

What are some immediate accomplishments you can make to help further the team?

Where can you take the initiative to solve a problem or improve a process that wasn’t even on the radar screen?

Demonstrating a clear understanding of the strategic focus of the organization will help others to perceive you as a leader and team player.

You will gain the respect of your managers, and ensure your career is on the fast track.

Manage your performance review process

Record your accomplishments, and inquire about other ways you can contribute to overall team goals.

Be assertive about your career plan and ask for projects that will stretch your current abilities.

Be clear about the support you seek from your boss, and be equally clear about the deliverables you will produce.

Join the team at www.grodom.com

Body Confidence:

How to like what you see in the mirror

From childhood we are sold on an ideal image of beauty, one few of us ever see reflected when we look in the mirror.

This article will show you how you can look in the mirror and despite the ideal, see only a beautiful you.

When you look in the mirror, what’s the first thing you notice, and how does it make you feel?

If you’re like most people, the first thing that catches your eye is probably your least favorite asset.If so, don’t worry you’re not alone.Here’s why.

Can you guess how much money is spent in just one year by advertisers to sell us on the concept of the “ideal” image of beauty?

Well, I can’t either but I do know this—it’s a lot of money, certainly somewhere in the billions of dollars!

So, technically, you can consider yourself brainwashed.

From your earliest childhood days—whether you played with Action Man or Barbie—you’ve been receiving constant, consistent images telling you what beauty is supposed to look like.

Never mind that these images are for the most part, anatomically impossible!

And, would you really want to look like Fabio anyway?Or Pam Anderson?Honestly?

I’m guessing probably not.

So, here’s how you can build your confidence with the body God gave you:

1.Look in the mirror

2.This time, really look at yourself.

Reflect on the compliments you have received.

Do people tell you how great your hair is?

How beautiful your eyes are?

That you have a nice smile?Try to see what they see.

3.Stand far enough away from the mirror so that you can take it all in.What do you see?Find at least three positive things.

4.Now, get up close.

Really close.

Look at your eyes—the irises.

What colour are they?

Are they all one colour or are there flecks of various colours?

How would you describe them using positive analogies or adjectives?

5.Now, smile.What does your smile convey?Warmth?Happiness?

6.Find at least three characteristics you like best about yourself, and then accentuate them as you dress to go out.

§If you love your eyes, make sure your hair doesn’t cover them up

§Love your lips?Make sure to keep them soft and moisturized

§Your hair?Get a flattering cut and condition it regularly to keep it shiny and healthy

In short, amplify what you like, and don’t worry about the parts you don’t.

Here are some ways to do just that:

§Go shopping and bring a good friend.Ask them to help you pick out colours and clothes they think flatter you.Don’t worry if your first reaction is “that’s not me!”Experiment!

§Feel better about whatever it is you don’t like about yourself by picturing the absolute worst-case scenario.Exaggerate whatever it is you’re hung up on and blow it up in you mind until it’s comical.Then look in the mirror—not so bad anymore is it?

Accept yourself for who you are, how you look, and focus on what really matters—the things about you that can’t be seen—your heart, mind and soul!

§What do you want people to praise you for?Is it really how you look?Probably not.You probably want people to think you’re funny, smart, nice, or generous—something along those lines right?

§Make a list of your positive personal qualities and characteristics.Then ask yourself, what’s more important?Get involved in activities that build on your personal characteristics—volunteer, join a club, take a class to sharpen a talent.These will help you emphasize and focus more on the more important qualities that get you through life successfully and with more fun.

Put this to work with us in business at http://www.grodom.com

Live life, love fully and laugh often!

Confidence sapping friends & colleagues

The people whom you have the most contact with and hang around will have either a positive or negative affect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.

How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make you feel the same! They can but zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, can do vibes that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

We also know of those people who could moan for America!

They never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers - need I go on!

These people drain your energy and bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

Family members can be a lot like this also but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

So what should you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

1.You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people.

2.If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.

3.The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and as in number 2 above, elicit and select the information that filters through to your brain.

4.Remember, that nothing has meaning in life except the meaning that you give it.